Notes From the Road

Sat Nam everyone!

We are in beautiful Gilsum New Hampshire. This is where my husband Sopurkh's parents have a very sweet little home. We've got our RV parked in their driveway. I love being here. There are trees everywhere, and this gentle breeze that just makes you feel blessed. Jap Preet and I love taking walks and looking for chipmunks. And there is a great lake that we have been going to every day where the fish swim right up to you.

My mother in law got the first symptoms of Parkinson's Disease a few years ago, and just about a month ago her condition took a big dip. Now she needs someone with her all of the time. That someone has been my father in law. He just got some much needed back surgery, so Sopurkh has stepped in and has been taking care of his mother and now his father too. He is doing such a beautiful job, as I knew he would. But, there is something really special about this opportunity because I know how much he loves his parents and this is really giving him a way to show and express that love.

I am personally grappling with the whole experience of this form of Parkinson's Disease. There are many different forms of this disease. What my mother in law has includes a lot of dementia and the loss of other basic cognitive and physical capabilities. It is intense to say the least. From the perspective of yoga and meditation, loosing one's memory and not being able to do much but sit and breathe is considered an incredible yogic opportunity. In fact it brings you closer to just pure awareness. But to get to that place takes a journey through so many emotions and so many identities that we give ourselves from the workings of our mind. Here are some identities on my list.... I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a cook, I am a house cleaner, I am a singer, I am a touring artist, I am a teacher, I am a poet, I am this, I am that. If all of my identities were taken away because I no longer could do things to fulfill my roles could I get to that place of "I am, I am"? Could I be alright with just being?

Many of us pray to be on the spiritual path where we are letting go of our identities on a daily basis, by our own surrender. My mother in laws identities are being taken from her without her wishing, without her consciously choosing it, and without her wanting to let go.

Watching my mother in law go through it is painful. She is such a beautiful lady. Just a few years ago when she visited us I remember how when we had a party in honor of the fact that she was with us, I found her in the kitchen doing everyone's dishes. I remember how when my daughter was born she was filled with so much joy to be with us. I think her Parkinson's symptoms were just coming on at that point and so she couldn't do very much in terms of helping with the housework that comes with a new baby. She decided to just be with her grand daughter and she sat, for hours, watching her, smiling to her, and talking to her. I will never forget that. I am sure my daughter is blessed now for her whole life to have experienced such pure love and devotion.

And now with the symptoms much worse, she still is showing all of us so much pure love.

In the words of Sopurkh, "for me, this has been an experience of surrender, which I guess is love, but it's more about accepting life just as it is, as it is placed before me. Then acting responsibly. All the while, creating joy and happiness, and having faith and gratitude with what is placed on my path."

I pray to one day understand why all of this is happening and release some of the pain in my heart in watching such a beautiful lady struggle in this way. I pray for all families dealing with Parkinson's Disease. For all families dealing with any disease. May we find God's simple and beautiful presence within us, when all else is stripped away.

Sat Nam.