Notes From the Road

Today we had the funeral service for my mother in law, Donna Lawrence. She died on Sunday morning peacefully in her sleep after months and months of suffering from a debilitating disease. Her husband cared for her with such incredible love these past months that it inspired my brother in law to say in the funeral service, “he showed me how to be a man.” I don’t know why she had to suffer so much. She was perhaps the most kind person I have ever known.

It was in fact my mother in law who picked out my wedding ring. She called Sopurkh one day and said, “I don’t know, this ring just seems to be the one.” It was in fact the perfect ring....still within my husband’s budget, but sparkly enough to make me feel special. This morning as I put on the ring, and a blue crystal necklace that she had given to me I looked in the mirror and felt a pang of sadness tug at my heart as I realized the loss I felt inside. I hoped as I did a full circle that if I just kind of kept moving it would create enough sparkle that I would at least honor my mother in law as opposed to just sitting down with my head in my hands and crying which is what I felt like doing.

Such a beautiful lady, such a beautiful grandmother. It felt strange to have the realization that my daughter would not have the opportunity to grow flowers in the garden and find salamanders on the road with her grandmother.

As we entered the Church this morning and sat down, I could feel the collective burden of eyes on us as all of her friends and family looked at us as we took our seats. This day had brought some blessings. One was that my husband and his brother were reunited after many years. During the service the two of them got up together to speak about their mother. As they spoke, I could feel the great history between the two of them with many snow ball fights, swims, camping trips, and I’m sure plenty of mischief. More importantly I could feel the love that their mother had showered so graciously upon them. And now, their love for her was coming out in their words so pure, and so true.

Their stories brought everyone to tears, including Grandpa who sat next to me. I could do nothing but put my arms around him. What do you do in moments like these? What do you do with pure love? You can only be present with it. And that is in fact the present that Donna gave to us. It was just pure love. She was just a loving and kind person through and through.

If you were a turtle who happened to be trying to cross the road outside of her house, her dogs, her sons who grew up with her, her beloved husband, her daughter in law, her grand son, her grand daughter, or simply her friend.... you were damn lucky. You got love... you got pure love.

And so later that day as I shopped for some snacks for my daughter and my cart smashed into the cracker shelf, instead of getting frustrated and allowing one of my classic “I’ve had it looks! “ that my daughter has seen so many times, I decided to take a deep breath and smile. I got inspired to be like Donna.... to find the way no matter what to be loving and kind. “She did it” I thought to myself. “I can do it too.” I know that her life had struggles. I know that all of our lives do. Yet she rose above. Blessings to all of us that we can too. And blessings to the Soul of Donna, thank you for all that you have done for us.

Love,

Snatam